Finding comedy in the business world: Annual reports poke fun at doom and gloom

During financial report filing season, we editors at Hoover’s spend our days pouring over all those often dull, tedious, and downright depressing documents so you don’t have to.

It’s rare to find a bright spot among all the doom and gloom these days. And humor among those 10-Ks, 8-Ks, and annual reports is even more rare. But some business leaders are taking their yearly opportunities to address shareholders as a chance to poke fun at this whole mess. Although economic calamity is far from a laughing matter, at least these folks can manage to evoke a few chuckles. Because if you can’t laugh, then really, what can you do?

Been-there-done-that mega billionaire Warren Buffett is known for his dry wit and easy-to-read chairman’s letters that accompany his Berkshire Hathaway annual reports. This year Warren didn’t disappoint.

“The period was devastating as well for corporate and municipal bonds, real estate, and commodities,” he wrote in Berkshire Hathaway’s 2008 annual report. “By year end investors of all stripes were bloodied and confused, much as if they were small birds that had strayed into a badminton game.”

Thanks for the visual. Warren goes on to also admit that he did some “dumb things in investments” during 2008. How refreshing.

Over at Vornado Realty Trust chairman and CEO Steven Roth declared “2009 is about the Great Recession” in the REIT’s annual report. He even jokingly suggested ditching the real estate business to start a new bank.

“Think about it,” he wrote. “No legacy problems or bad loans. Demand deposits are the lowest cost liabilities around and spreads are the highest they’ve been in history.”

And after tallying a long list of retail failures — and one-time Vornado tenants — such as Linens ‘n Things, Mervyn’s, and Circuit City, Roth (with a strong dose of sarcasm) wrote, “I don’t worry at all about Vornado’s Retail assets.”

At Bank Leumi USA executive vice president Bob Giordano bid a firm “good riddance” to 2008 in the company’s yearly economic review.

“2008 was not merely an annoyance, it was alarming, shocking, and frightening,” he wrote.

Investors at Leucadia National Corporation also were unimpressed with 2008 after reporting a more than $2.5 billion after-tax loss. Chairman Ian Cumming and president Joseph Steinberg drew comparisons to the economic problems of 2008 with the rocky drama of British royalty.

“In 1992, following a fire in Windsor Castle and marital problems for most of her children, the Queen of England in a speech marking the 40th anniversary of her accession referred to the past year as ‘annus horribilis.’ 2008 was such a year,” the leaders of Leucadia wrote. “Everything came tumbling down.”